The Naught Before Christmas

Introducing ?The Naught Before Christmas? to the tune of Edgar Allen Poe?s ?The Raven?. The story of a little boy who gained some wisdom one Christmas Eve many years ago.

Here upon this Christmas Eve-ning,
As I lay with smile a-beaming and a-dreaming
of the presents on the chamber floor.
In that evening, I near dreaming,
came a seeming light beneath my bedroom door.
“?Tis my daddy,” I then muttered, “that it is and nothing more.
“?Tis my daddy, in the hallway, putting presents on the living room floor.”

Oh it happens each December, quite after those dying embers
fade in the fireplace burn out in the Living Room
Long past each family member, has gone to their separate chambers
then I hear the sounds go ?boom!?
Knowing that it is Daddy hiding presents in the Living Room.
Knowing, without seeing, Daddy hiding presents in the Living Room.

When then suddenly, there came a tapping,
someone gently rapping, repeatedly tapping on my bedroom door.
?Daddy?? I muttered, ?Why are you knocking on my bedroom door?
?Do you need some help putting presents on the floor??

?Ho, ho, ho? came a rumble, which caused me to tumble,
out my bed and fumble down onto the floor.
That laugh a-rumbled didn?t sound like Daddy outside my bedroom door.
It sounded much too deep (and jolly) as it went ?Ho Ho Ho?
No, it sounded much to deep and jolly as it went ?Ho Ho Ho?

There went the handle, and in came a red sandal
with two little bells a jangled as they stepped into my room
With a light and a spangle he pushed back all the gloom
With a big red hat and all in red he stepped into my room
My goodness, it was Santa Claus standing in my Bed Room.

?Look Here? said He ?I looked and cannot see,
where your milk and cookies be? They?re not by the tree nor on the floor,
?Although I?ve had many, I can have a little more.
?You haven?t ran out of cookies, have you for this Santa of yours?
?No, I?m sure you have some cookies for this Santa Claus of yours.?

There I scratched my noggin? whilst my head a-waggin, and my thoughts a-flying
couldn?t believe what my eyes so clearly saw.
It was him, who stood a-rocking there, Ol? Santa Claus.
He was asking for the cookies that I?d eaten ?cause
I really didn?t believe in Santa Claus.

?Hey,? I stammered ?Um? I yammered, ?Maybe I?ll get you some hamburgers or
something from the box below?
?Maybe some turkey or some yam, er, from this evening?s bowl?
?Some snacks or maybe some stuffing or some roasted fowl?
?I?m really sorry, Mr Santa, I really didn?t know.?

Suddenly opened my shutters, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Elf of the saintly days of yore;
?Hey Santa, what?s our next stop gonna? be??
But, with Santa fat and jolly, standing in my chamber door-
Fat, Jolly, Head a-shaking in my chamber door?
There he stood saying nothing more.

“Young man? said he, “I?m feeling feeble! No cookies or cake for me to nibble?-
By the snows that fall upon us?by that time we both adore?
You tell my soul with sorrow laden that within the refridgerator, my hands shall clasp a
piece of bacon cooked the night before?
Not a cookie, but some bacon cooked the night before?
Said the Elf ?Say no More!?

The Elf he brought clicked his heels and then all the reindeer out there
Came Jumpin? in my room while hooves and bells tinkled on my bedroom floor.
“Let?s go,” They cried, “The sled is ready?Lets go look for cookies and
Milk and Vienna fingers from the local grocery store;
Find some yummys and delectables from the local grocery store
Said Ol Santa, “Okay, Let?s Go!”

Then Santa glanced, and his eyes slightly danced as he pranced out of my room
?We?ll go for a ride,? He said with a boom.?
And with a whisk we left my room
With sparkles and a spell, we left my sleeping room!

Into the sled with might we sped, and beaming in a spell of red we drew
With reindeer in the front we took off into the blue
Into the darkened skies and stars of the Christmas Hue
We flew in the darkened skies of dark nights Christmas blue.
On a mission for some cookies we went a looky-loo!

Down Bleaker Street, we flew by feet, without missing a single beat in the heavens.
We flew down the street, with awe and then we
Pulled up to the seven eleven!
Where worked Apu and Mohadmed, watching from seven to seven
In the Local Seven Eleven!

We bought cookies, milk and more things, all a hungry expressing
Oh his belly burning into that seven eleven;
There in awe I sat divining, with my head slightly reclining
On the red sled’s crimson lining that the store-light?s shining o’er,
Sorry, my head a shaking with that store-light?s shining o?er,
?Such a trespass, nevermore!?

Many hours later, after lifting me back home, I a-sitting
On my bed, transfixed on the window, behind shut bedroom door;
And my eyes have all the seeming of a person who was dreaming,
And the moon light outside streaming throws my shadow on the floor;
I learned my lesson and I swore that night ?Nevermore?
?I will never forget to leave cookies out for Santa the night before!?

-r-

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