An Open Letter to My Children: Should Christians Support {Blank} Marriage?

Dealing With Questions

I’d guess that at this point you guys are wondering about kids. If marriage, the way God made it, was to be between one man and one woman becoming one and having children, what about the people who can’t have kids? Does that mean their marriage isn’t real?

That’s probably the same argument that people like bringing up to allow any marriages. It’s that dissected view of marriage looking at a single aspect (Having Children) and making it the defining quality. But like I said, the picture of marriage included all those things.

And that’s where the problem of not-having-kids shows up. Some people just can’t have kids and they don’t know it until they’re married.

After Breydon was born we had some questions for a fertility doctor. They told us that we were lucky to have one kid, let alone the amount we had. With our first, it took a while to get pregnant. Same thing with our second. I don’t think it was luck; I think, ultimately, it was God.

When we got pregnant with our fourth we were happily surprised.

But these other people might not ever have kids. That doesn’t mean that these people stop being a married couple. It doesn’t even mean that they stop trying to have kids. It means that they keep relying on God while doing things that married couples do. After all, God is the one who is behind pregnancies and not-pregnancies alike.

That doesn’t mean that he will automatically give these couples children. He might have some bigger plan that goes beyond this age but includes the patient training from this world: only God knows. The fact is, God knows best. It’s not for us to redefine things just because the relationship isn’t bearing the fruit of children. Let’s never forget that Marriage is a package designed by God.

I bet you’re also wondering about people that really don’t want to marry a person they’re not attracted to. Well, that doesn’t mean that they can’t love (remember that dissected definition is just not what love is) but it does mean that whatever love they employ might not include attraction.

So let’s say that the lack of attraction is so bad that it’s disgust. They not only aren’t attracted to being with the other person, they’re outright grossed out by it. That still doesn’t mean that they are banned from loving. It might just mean that they will have to live on being a single person.

That’s a tough pill to swallow, but it might just be the case. It’s exactly what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7. It sucks that the person is left by their spouse, but remain in the state they have been called. And that calling might not be an internal sense of being celibate but a situational realization.

There are people that are born unable to go out in public and others who are born with a constant desire to steal and yet others who are born without the ability to walk. Their life might have to be set up around those things so that they don’t walk and they don’t get put in positions where they might steal or they don’t spend time in large crowds.

In so doing, these people might be examples of the Gospel at work promising the future age in this present age. The person walks around as a co-heir of Christ and, even better, a huge billboard of the cross. This person is really bearing their burden, refusing self-satisfaction, and moving ahead showing that God has given them an opportunity to lay down their own life as a living sacrifice. Imagine preaching the Gospel to an audience and saying “this is what I want, but I know it is not the way God created humans to be: therefore I lay down my life and present it to all of you. I am weak, but in Christ I am made strong.”

I hope you see what I’m doing with these answers. I’m not really saying “this is wrong” or “this is right”. That’s already done by the theological groundwork above. Here, I’m trying to show how all that theology up to this point winds up dealing with the questions. The questions don’t immediately cause us to hunt for verses, but they have to be filtered through what the theology established by God in Scripture and reflected by Christ’s own confession.

The Gospel ensures that things will be a certain way in the future but it also reveals the way they should have been now, in our day. As Christians heading towards the future and living now, we shouldn’t be looking for ways to work around the now. We should be looking for ways to reflect the purpose of the now in light of the future.

I admit, this isn’t always easy. Some things are obviously against the pattern God established; others might be much harder. What if science figures out a way to make real men pregnant? What if people make robots that they want to marry, and these robots have reproductive systems? What if we could make humans that are basically tailored to suit this or that want? You guys might even be dealing with harder questions that I can’t imagine. But like I said, I hope this post helps direct your ideas. The footnotes will link to other material .

I’m still praying for you guys.

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